my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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