he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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