My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
