just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
