I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
