I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
