On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
