Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I want her autograph on my taint
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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