do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
