It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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