I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
