do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Everclear isn't food dammit
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
