She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
