You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
did i walk over a car last night?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
