thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
