He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
