I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
