My hand turned me down
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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