One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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