i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
