I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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