I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
