she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
