yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
