I didn't shave. On purpose
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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