i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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