You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
