Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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