My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
