8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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