Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just forgot I was standing up.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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