i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
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Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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