I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
