I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
