Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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