2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
33 Sex Crazed People That Are Going Balls Deep
Semen is not good for contacts.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA