Texts From Last Night

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  (772): View more from Florida

  i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"

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  (772): i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?" http://tfl.nu/6u9j
  Replies (20) Good night (879) Bad night (3759)
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  (714): View more from California

  I would go down on you faster than GM stock

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  (714): I would go down on you faster than GM stock http://tfl.nu/ai9f
  Replies (32) Good night (7656) Bad night (650)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.

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  (517): i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall. http://tfl.nu/lpwz
  Replies (14) Good night (4458) Bad night (712)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.

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  (407): She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it. http://tfl.nu/q87n
  Replies (23) Good night (1437) Bad night (6717)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people

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  (217): Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people http://tfl.nu/d4g4
  Replies (15) Good night (3384) Bad night (949)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship

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  (815): Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship http://tfl.nu/xkl4
  Replies (5) Good night (2593) Bad night (1346)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.

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  (224): I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring. http://tfl.nu/u70q
  Replies (6) Good night (2375) Bad night (642)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.

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  (+44): I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince. http://tfl.nu/7pny
  Replies (12) Good night (1765) Bad night (1168)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.

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  (360): Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people. http://tfl.nu/w1ks
  Replies (33) Good night (2981) Bad night (897)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day

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  (780): Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day http://tfl.nu/bjmm
  Replies (2) Good night (933) Bad night (502)
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  (949): View more from California

  I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.

  (949): View more from California

  In a moving vehicle and other people in the car

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  (949): I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket. (949): In a moving vehicle and other people in the car http://tfl.nu/58wf
  Replies (7) Good night (1281) Bad night (444)
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  (626): View more from California

  Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.

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  (626): Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter. http://tfl.nu/7qar
  Replies (7) Good night (1202) Bad night (758)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.

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  (610): I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top. http://tfl.nu/ogkq
  Replies (4) Good night (1351) Bad night (487)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.

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  (901): oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home. http://tfl.nu/ixn7
  Replies (5) Good night (751) Bad night (1102)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.

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  (610): All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship. http://tfl.nu/y1t2
  Replies (2) Good night (423) Bad night (178)

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