Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
