It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
