I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
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I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
It's blow job season.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
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Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT