Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
