GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
