i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
