i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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