Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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