listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
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Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
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It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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