She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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