take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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