Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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