i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
