I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
