Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
