jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
