It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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