if you like me you must not know who I am
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
