My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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