I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
