I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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