I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
