He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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