I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
