After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
