In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
