It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
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The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
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Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So. Much. Porn.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize