I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Randomize
